National Poetry Writing Month, Day Seven – Hansel and Gretel

I enjoyed writing the post from yesterday so much that I again ignored the prompt and did another children’s story! Enjoy…

Hansel and Gretel

The tale of Hansel and Gretel is blurred.
The truth isn’t like any story you’ve heard.
The two little kids are the cause of the trouble;
they ate half a house and reduced it to rubble!

They murdered a little old lady as well,
and yet parents think it’s a story to tell
to young ones at bed time for falling asleep
(whatever’s the problem with just counting sheep?).

Their Dad was a woodcutter – I guess that much is true –
and his second wife, Mandy, was fed up with his two
greedy young children who ate the house dry,
and she hatched a smart plan to get food-levels high.

She thought a few days with the kids out the way
would allow her to cook and feed her and Jose
(that’s the woodcutter’s name if you couldn’t have guessed).
His first wife was German and to her behest

she chose both the names of their two vile kids,
despite options of Rose or Juan (Jose’s two bids).
Alas, I get sidetracked. I’ve left you perplexed!
Let’s return to the story, and hear what happened next.

Mandy convinced Jose with persuasive talk;
they took both the children to the woods for a walk,
but Hansel was wise and he saw through the plan,
so he dropped some sweet wrappers and a trail began.

When they finally got kid-free and made their way back,
they heard Hansel and Gretel retracing their track
and upon reaching home, both the kids had caught up
expecting Mandy to make them some supper to sup.

Angry and tired, they waited until night
when Hansel and Gretel were asleep fairly tight,
and they carried both children to the depths of the wood;
a couple days’ forraging would do them some good.

When they woke the next day, at six in the morning,
picked sleep from their eyes, and finished their yawning,
they noticed the place that they’d just woken in;
they had bracken and heather stuck onto their skin.

They were lost in the forest; it all looked the same.
They shouted vile swear words I don’t want to name.
But then, through the thicket, they saw a surprise – 
what looked like a Sweet house in front of their eyes.

They made their way to it, rang the doorbell they saw
and an elderly lady came to answer the door.
“Hello there, dear Children. It’s lovely to meet
a couple of people who think my house sweet.“

“I had kids of my own, but they left decades back.
They got fed up with beds that were made of flapjack,
and the sweetness of showers once powered by honey,
and the chocolate coins I gave as pocket money.”

The children said, rudely, “We don’t care about you.
We’ve just come for a nibble, and then bid you adieu.”
The lady was hurt by their nasty retort
and made off to the kitchen for a stiff glass of port.

The children were greedy and – as hours flew past – 
they munched through her aerial and radio mast.
By teatime they’d eaten the windows and doors,
and – a day after starting – ate the walls and the floors.

The old lady was livid. “YOU ATE THE WHOLE LOT!
YOU’VE LEFT ME WITH NOTHING. THAT WAS ALL I HAVE GOT!”
And you know what the kids did? (It’s vile, mind you)
They killed the old lady and ate her up too.

Then Hansel remembered his phone in his pocket.
He keyed in the digits you need to unlock it.
In the palm of his hand was the key to survive;
he had all sorts of apps on his new iPhone 5.

He found Google Maps and stuck in his post code
and it guided them both to the end of their road.
While approaching the house, they saw Jose and Mandy
with a warm apple pie and a half each of Shandy.

The story ends gruesomely (I’ll just summarise it;
I can’t bare the ending, I simply despise it).
They burnt down their home with the parents inside,
and were heard by their cackles while both of them died.

They burnt down the forest as an insult to Dad
(and you thought that the Pigs from last poem were bad!)
They grew a new forest of long stinging nettle
(which I hate! Thanks a lot, evil Hansel and Gretel).

The last whereabouts of the two are unknown.
They evaded capture, and continue alone.
If you see two young teenagers, with one iPhone 5,
you’ll know now to run or you won’t stay alive.

And if you think that your children are awfully rude,
they talk with their mouths full, they play with their food,
take this tale as caution – be wise with deterrents
or you’ll suffer the fate of the two children’s parents.